Getting Better?

"I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma." ~Eartha Kitt

I'm new to my hobby of photography and I'm trying really hard to get it. To see what I want and to make it happen - lenses, lighting, fstops, ISO, wide angle, aparature... a whole new language to learn in between everything else I have to do. I get discouraged, I think I don't have the talent, the eye or the passion. I put down my camera for days at a time because life takes over.

Then, then I'll take a shot like this one. Everything works. I got the image I was trying to capture. And I'm hopefull again. I can do it. And I keep taking more really bad pictures hoping to get another shot like this:

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" - John Lennon

And we're moving full steam ahead, Halloween came and went before I realized it and now I'm thinking about Christmas gifts and travel plans for NYE. It's a little nuts. So, again I apologize for my tardiness even thought there have been small benefits for my schedule - 1/2 off pumpkins on the day of Halloween appealled to the bargain shopper inside me. October was a flash of planning ahead, living in the moment, examining some of my beliefs, travels, houseguests, and lots of work. My pace is good, my head is clear, and my heart is full - I love my life when I feel like this.

Working in a retail based business, I'm always amazed at how much we do and how little time we seem to have this time of the year. We approach fourth quarter with a different energy level - it's a great adrenaline rush as we start the final marathon of the year.

There's not anything quite like working retail - selling products, solving problems, and hearing the cash register clang. It's in my blood and as much as I complain about it, I love this time of year. The energy, the constant pace and the delight of wrapping gifts.

Lately, it's been about reflecting personal attacks for lack of poor planning and/or lack of money. Last year it was all about the money (too much to buy with too little funds) for our customers and I'm sure we'll see that issue come up again this season. It definitely bothers me. I don't know anyone who hasn't been affected (I don't run in 'those' circles) and people who are working retail generally are feeling it worse than anyone. Generally, hourly employees who weren't making enough money to begin with to deal with the crap that gets heaped on them daily. And now, their hours are cut, people are ruder and money is tighter. Show the shop keepers and sales associates some love this season and realize they aren't as lazy, stupid or as uncaring as you might assume.

I love dealing with the public, delighting customers with the 'perfect' idea or gift or invitation, instilling confidence in their decisions. I love to shop for gifts and I love helping other with theirs - I'd make a great personal shopper for someone who could keep me in the lifestyle I've become accustomed too - until then, there's this. And the rush that comes with it. I love it.

A local radio station does a retail vent line every holiday season and I get a great deal of pleasure listening to it. I can't wait to hear it this year. Because laughter is my new therapy and my cocktail of choice. People who have never expereinced it, just don't get it. And when you hear the stories of retail clerks, how they're treated, the ridiculous demands of the public and the unreasonable expectations, you have to laugh. Otherwise, you'd pull your hair out.

So, as we approach the retail maddness of the gift season, look for stories, forgive my sparatic posting, and enjoy the holidays. I know I will.

I'm a Thief

"We don't want to re-invent the wheel" - my father

I have often posted or linked to things which inspire me, motivate me, provoke me or make me giggle...

This does a little of all those things:

16 Things it took me over 50+ years to learn
By: Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important.)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.*

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

*I'm still working on this one

Things I Enjoy Way More than I Should

I love my ability to be amused by the little things. To find delight in the everyday and ordinary. I'm like everyone else, I have to be reminded to stop and find them but when I do, I always have a giggle. Here's a list of things that have gotten me lately:

1. Halloween Oreo Cookies - Random, I know. But it's my favorite holiday and when these cookies show up, I know we're getting close. Plus there kind of a gross color combination and for those of us that still play with our food, it's fun.

2. New Shoes - I have every shoe I could ever need but I love updating my wardrobe. I recently wore a new pair of animal print shoes and I love them. They are different and fun without being obnoxious. I get a thrill out of a pair of new shoes.

3. Real World/Road Rules Challenges - "The Ruins" just started and I love it. I know I should be out of their demographic but the drama is unreal and extremely entertaining. Plus they are in cool places and do crazy challenges.

4. Finding Money - I went through my guest room closet and sorted the clothes. I found money in the pocket of a jacket. Such a small thrill and such a great thing. Found money means I get to treat myself.

5. My dog, Sandy - I've written about her before but it always warms my heart that she's waiting for me in the driveway at the end of the day. It's nice to have 'someone' to come to.

My Thang

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty."
~Maya Angelou

I had the opportunity to attend an inspiring and creative presentation about PictureHOPE project last night - I was overwhelmed with the energy and images presented by Jen & Stephanie, as well as the story told by Odetta. I can't wait to see what they do next, what comes of their travels, and the final project. It's such an awe inspiring opportunity.

I was so envious. I'm jealous of their passion, talent, knowledge and the respect given by the audience there. The buzz about the program, their impact on our little town, as well as the greater world out there. Plus whoever they touch with the personal stories they discover and share. Now, I don't mean that I want what they have. I want my own thing... "my thang" to do well.

And during their presentation, Jen revealed something about her life which probably meant more to me than anything else. Before this situation, in her 40 years of life, she had been searching for her thing. "Her childhood moment of clarity" she called it as she expected something to become obvious as meant for her. I know that feeling of expectation and desire to feel a part of something. She found herself and her people (as she proudly referred to them) in a village in Rwanda after years of looking, waiting and preparing. I know those feelings. I'm dealing with them each day. And as each image came on the screen of a world I've never seen, I felt more and more called to "do something".

Driving away from the event, full of hope, inspiration and some really good food from a true African chef, I talked with my mom about my feelings. I am content and happy with where I am and the choices I have made BUT (and it's a big but) I feel as though I'm preparing for something more. Learning some lessons (always the hard way) and defining my thoughts and opinions of the world and wanting more than a husband, 2.5 kids, a golden retriever and a volvo stationwagon. Not that I think anything is wrong with those aspirations either. And you can have those and still touch the world, or at least your local world. But I have always had the call to travel and move, not a need to run but a need to explore and see for myself. I'm never afraid of the unknown or scared of where the next road may lead.

So, now I know my task. To take my abilities, experiences, and motivation. Turn it into something that works for me. Something giving me more than monetary rewards. Something allowing me to make a mark (however small) which is undeniably mine. Something allowing me to fly on my own. And now, even with my goal still ambiguous, I am promising to take pleasure and find beauty in the process of my change.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

I know, I know.

It's been too long... life's been too crazy: work, food poisoning, classes, friends, traveling, soccer games, breakups and new goals. All has happened in the past 28 days which has eaten up my personal computer time. But I'm working on my schedule, taking control, gaining some perspective, getting my positive attitude back, and focusing on a healthier lifestyle. So bare with me.

Plus I have pictures. Of babies, friends, William, rivers, oceans, skies, etc. I promise to post some of them soon. But here's a tease:









Oh! And for those concerned, I didn't have food poisoning but my bosses AKA my parents did so I was doing some triple duty there for about a week. They had some bad oysters while at the coast and all has not been well since. They are slowly getting better but I was treading water there for a while just making sure major things were falling through the cracks. I know my parents do alot on a daily basis but I forget just how much until I have to cover or explain to that many people what's going on.

So life it busy but fun. I definitely had a funk last week but I'm over the hump and I'm gaining some perspective. Here are some reasons why I am happy:

1. I'm Healthy - I have several friends who are ill and/or have very ill family members.

2. I'm Employed - In the worst recession/depression of my lifetime, I have a job I love.

3. I'm Independent - Sometimes I'm lonely but I'm always free to make choices for myself. I don't have any obligations other than to make myself happy & fulfilled.

4. I'm Excited - Life interests me and I'm still learning about myself in a completely different way than I was 10 years ago in college.

5. I'm Challenged - I have a business which can go as far as I want to take it, anything I want to accomplish, I can. All I have to do is work for it.

6. I'm Engaged - Not with a finance but engaged in life. I've gained some new hobbies and I'm learning new skills.

7. I'm Maturing - Owning responsbility, making hard choices, doing what's 'right' is getting easier and easier... and it feels good. Weird but good.

Dusting off the Cobwebs...

For this past Christmas, my parents gave me a new Camera - yes... a capital "C" Camera, a Nikon D90. It kicks ass. I take it everywhere with me. I take lots of bad pictures. I love it.

But the camera? This camera....

It is smarter than me. And I hate that feeling.

I meet a professional photographer earlier this year and when I told her about my new camera, she kind of looked me up and down, then said, "That's what I use..."

So after playing around on my own, reading the manual, reading online tutorials, and asking others how to do things, I've signed up for a photography class.

Fortunately for me, I live near a major university town and they have a great continuing education center. Retired professors who love to teach continue to teach after retiring from a life of committee meetings, department politics and research requirements. They love to teach. I've taken several classes there and that's the common theme - it's obvious.

Last night was my first class... we have a project and a field trip! So fun. Plus he knows what he's talking about and he speaks in layman's terms (problem 1 with this manual). I'm excited to hear what he has to say about my shots and how much it will help me improve. I know it will.

Plus, I'm such a nerd. Sitting attentively and taking notes last night, it felt good to be back in a classroom. I love to learn. I'm not a routine person and I definitely don't get excited about doing the same thing in my job over and over again. But a classroom? With information I don't already have? That turns me on.

Sad. But so True...