Friday, December 4, 2009

Plotting My Escape

Maybe you don't like your job, maybe you didn't get enough sleep, well nobody likes their job, nobody got enough sleep. Maybe you just had the worst day of your life, but you know, there's no escape, there's no excuse, so just suck up and be nice. - Ani DiFranco

I've been thinking, almost constantly, about changing my life. Again. Trying something different to find my place in the world. And I need the change. I do. Because I'm not nice anymore. And I don't care if I am either. Which is a whole different level of scratchiness in my life. And I agree with Ani, I believe I should be nice to others and I try but when a constant simmer is under the surface, I'm less able to remain patient, kind and understanding. I don't like who I become or how I behave. I remember it from being in Chicago, it took me about 3 months of living there before I didn't react to everything with anger.

I'm in Gulfport, Mississippi* to babysit my nephew for a couple of days while my sister and brother in law play in the state USTA tennis league championships in Jackson. (Yes, I realize how that sounds but it's fun for me to spend time with William and they always need a couple days off.) As I drove down here, I realized I had everything in my car I needed to start my journey... car, computer, camera, clothes and my dog. Too bad I left behind a lot of obligations. This time, when I leave, I have a lot more to do than just quit my job and pack up my stuff.

So I'll go back instead of heading another direction like I was dreaming to do, sell my stuff, make arrangements, save some money, and plan my escape. Even though I call it my 'escape' - I'm not running from anything. I'm looking for a way to live my life which makes me happy and allows me to cross some places off my list. It may not be everyone's way of living or everyone's idea of a life but it appeals to me and I think it will give me a greater level of satisfaction than my current work hard, please everyone but myself situation.

We'll see. One step at a time.

*I always spell out Mississippi, mainly cause I like to sing, "crooked letter, crooked letter, i, humpback, humpback, i" outloud to myself.

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