Tuesday, August 24, 2010

My Mouth

"Those who know do not talk; those who talk do not know" - Turkish Proverb
If there was one thing I could change about my self, it would be my gift of gab. I would learn to think before I speak... I would realize people aren't always interested in what I think/know/have to say... I would censor myself... I would become an introvert.

Oh, how I wish.

I need to be quiet... and yet, it's a vital part of my personality and a part of my process to purge the thoughts from my head. Clears it out, helps me analyze and realize my true feelings. In so many ways, this is a good thing for me.

But, sometimes, like now, it's not always a good thing for the people who come in contact with me or deal with me on a daily basis - Sometimes my "healthy" venting is hurtful to others. In other words, I talk "BIG".

I'm not a mean person and I wouldn't purposefully hurt someone else's feelings. Yet, I seem to do it all the time. And I regret it every time. Yet, it never seems to stop me from opening my mouth. I never seem to learn my lesson and think about what I'm doing or saying before I speak.

Like now. I'm working with an older lady for an event and she constantly calls me at work, to discuss a non-work related project. And I have to politely tell her I can't talk and to let me call her back and that I can't discuss it over store lines, etc. It's rather awkward for me. And to boot, she's a customer. A good customer. So I can't offend her but I also can't spend work time working on this nor can I tie up a store line for something not related to business. So I vent about it to a mutual acquaintance and I'm 99% positive it gets back to her. And to her husband. Friends, customers, people who I respect and wouldn't want to hurt... ugh. It hurts to write this. It hurts to think my words hurt someone else. And I'm in a bad spot - if I apologize, then I admit to saying it and could possibly make it worse.

So maybe this will be the time, maybe I'll finally learn to keep my mouth shut - my opinions, thoughts and frustrations to myself. Or at least to myself until I talk to the boy (he won't repeat it to anyone else). Well, here's hoping anyways.

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