31

"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up our enthusiasm wrinkles the soul." - Samuel Ullman

My 31st birthday was spent in the Big Apple. I arrived mid-morning by plane, took the subway to Midtown to my friend's large office building and then spent the afternoon wondering around with my camera. My first moments in a large city now that I'm a country mouse again are overwhelming... my senses are on overload, there are so many sounds, sights, and actions coming at me from so many directions I'm overwhelmed with it all.

The endless possibilities, the freedoms of expression, the crazy combinations of skin/hair/eye colors with everyone looking different and the same all at once. Contrasted with my black and white small town full of familiar faces, the anonymity of the city is both comforting and challenging to me.

It's so easy to image the possibilities of life in NYC because they play out before you on the streets where so many have walked before. Searching for purpose, living their dreams, hoping to achieve and be a part of something greater than a solitary life. It inspires and intimidates me as the contrast is too much with my everyday life and little town.

My day was nice as I had time to wander, wonder and get lost while receiving texts and messages of birthday wishes... feeling loved all day is a great. Hopefully, I'll find a way to capture and recall those feelings when needed after a terrible, rotten, no good, awful day. I started out on 2nd Avenue, wondered up 42th Street to Bryant Park, walked through the Public Library, took 5th to Central Park - pausing with tourists and churches along the way. And enjoyed the hustle bustle of the city. I took pictures of things and places rather than my desired choice of people - some of them are ok and I've played around with some editing to enhance or create the desired look. I didn't take a huge amount of images on this trip which limits my options and results - I just was so much more into being in the moment rather than preserving it. I need to work on finding a way to accomplish both.

Turning 31 isn't a major milestone so I think I'm just having some hangover emotions from 30, questions and frustrations and challenges which seem ever present. Achievements, Education, Goals, Relationships and/or the lack thereof were ever present on my mind through out my trip and return. I've told several people close in my life I feel like I've lost my enthusiasm for life - never one to mourn the past, I've always looked forward to next best thing. Yet now, I feel there is no such thing for me. I have no direction, passion or drive for something to motivate me forward, to propel me into a confident and fulfilling life, and I hate it. I'm jealous of those with drive and passion, envious of those with light steps and happy hearts, and hiding my feelings behind a very thin veil of anger.

This is a very different post than I imagined writing while taking these pictures and I know I'll regret allowing those emotions to overwhelm my first trip to Europe. But it is where I am in my life and those emotions/struggles/frustrations don't take a vacation, unfortunately. While I definitely had those moments of "I am in PARIS!" with a silly grin on my face, I spent a lot of time wondering about my future, contemplating my choices and options for the future. And I still have no answers.

60 Years Young

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." - Jack Benny

Today is my Dad's 60th Birthday and I spent several hours yesterday getting together photographs from his life for a photo montage to show at the store for today. We're doing a celebration here with cake, balloons, and specials. Our customers are loving it. It's like he's their mascot, they look at the pictures and say they remember when. Everyone loves a little nostalgia.

I poured over pictures and remembered stories I'd heard and ones I experienced. And I became really thankful. For the life my father has lived, for his parents (especially his mother) who pushed him to be successful, for his love of life, his good humor, his sense of generosity and his respect for others.

I laughed at his silliness, his gestures, clothing choices, and his poses. I remembered special moments and the fun we always seem to have as a family, with my dad always right in the middle.

I think of all that he's taught me. All he's encouraged to be. The example he's set for me and my sisters. Of not only how to love but how we should be loved. How to be generous and loving and understanding and accepting of others.

And for accepting me for who I am and loving me for it. For seeing my potential and respecting the differences between myself and my sisters. For loving us all equally and differently at the same time. For finding that balance and maintaining it.

I love my dad (and my mom) for their generosity. Their inclusiveness. Their desire to make our lives complete, challenging, and exciting. My parents have a tremendous amount of energy and are always on the go. When they work, they work hard. When they play, they play hard. And when they relax, they relax all the way.

My dad has been many things to me: a teacher, a friend, a business partner, a cheerleader, a supporter, a mentor, and most of all, a father. One who lead by example and expected the best from me at all times, in all things.

So today, as we should, we're celebrating my dad and all that he is and has done. He's all I've said and more. To many people. Generous and Caring. Fun and Easy-Going. Loving and Gentle.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Wanderlust

I am aching to take a trip.

And I don't have any specific requirements. I just want to GO, somewhere, anywhere....

I'm thinking warm and cheap. Warm because I'm ready to feel the sun on my skin and cheap because my bank balance needs me to be gentle. Buying a house will do that to you.

My BIG 3-0 birthday is coming this spring (May 7th for those who need reminding) and I want to "treat" myself to something fun and memorable.

Any Suggestions? Any at all? Let me know.

I want to see something cool, go somewhere new, eat great food, interact with fun people, dance until my feet hurt, make some memories, and laugh.

Happy Birthday Lauren!!!

Today is my younger sister's 26th Birthday.
I'm not allowed to call her my "little" sister anymore even thought she is still 6 inches shorter than me. Actually, I think it's because she's shorter that I'm not allowed to call her that. I still do but I'm not "allowed". You know how that goes in families :)


I love my younger sister, even though I constantly tease her, I love her. I've always been protective and concerned about her but that is my right as the older sister.


One of my earliest memories is standing on my tippy-toes to peer into the hospital nursery to see the little, squirmy swaddle of pink.




She and I rode to school together for years - that's not so different from other siblings but we had a 25 minute commute so we had lots of time in the car on a daily basis together. Sometimes we talked, we definitely fought, and somtimes she just slept while I drove.



One of my favorite stories about her is about driving to school one morning when she was wearing a linen dress - it was ironed and starched to perfection. So much so that she didn't want to wear her seatbelt while we were driving to school because it would wrinkle her dress and she absolutely refused to do so. I remember sitting in the driveway for a good 10 minutes, arguing before she pointed out that we were going to be late for school. The whole drive, I was telling her to put on her seatbelt and she was telling me to just focus on my driving. I admire her stubbornness.




I admire her talent and her passion - she's an architect and her job allows her to make the world more beautiful on a daily basis. Whether it's hanging pictures, arranging flowers, or restoring a school in New Orleans, she sees the world with an artist's eye and has the ability to make it a more beautiful place. She has that touch.


Plus she has liveliness which is inspiring and she's always on the move. Ready and willing to have a good time and make the situation fun. Adventurous, curious and accepting of the world, Lauren always has a plan for revelry.

Happy Birthday Lauren! I hope the year to come brings you life, love and good fortune.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILLIAM!!!

Today, October 15, 2008 my nephew William turns one. We celebrated this past weekend with "William's 1st Tailgate" as UGA beat UT. (I actually missed the party because of a wedding but that's another story). He clapped as he finished his cake and stood up in his highchair to show everyone how he was covered head to toe in red & black icing.

I can't believe that it was just a year ago that I had flown to Mississippi to be there when my sister was induced. She had been in the first stages of labor for about 3 weeks, dialated to 4 centimeters and just generally miserable.





We went out for seafood dinner at a great open bar down on the bay at an open air restaurant and then home to be ready for our 5AM wake up call to head to the hospital. My parents' were in the guest room and I was sleeping in the office between the guest room and the master bedroom. Sitting up, reading a book, I heard someone come down the hall and then a knock at the door.

"Wanda, Leah's water just broke, do you want to go to the hospital with us?" I opened my door to find Will, my BIL, speaking through the guest room door to my mom. And the madness started. Will went to get their bags, my mom started getting dressed and we all started talking at once.



After a few moments, I went back to Leah's room to check on her. She was standing there, a tight funny look on her face, holding her pants. She looked at me and held them out to me.

"I can't get these on," I took them from her and dressed her as she stood, looking more pale with each moment.


"Where's Will?" She asked after a moment.


"He's putting your bags in the truck and Mom's getting dressed. You need anything else?" She shook her head and literally waddled down the hallway towards the garage. I followed, stopping at the guest room to hurry my mom along.











"Leah's ready to go, you've got to come on," I stage-whispered to my mom, aware of my dad sleeping in the bed. I walked back to the den and grabbed my phone to call my younger sister. Her phone went straight to voicemail. I left a message and went out to the garage to see about Leah. She and Will were sitting in the truck, cranked and ready to go.

"Where's Mom?" I shrugged and pointed back to the house.


"Go tell her we're leaving NOW." I turned back to the house and met my mom in the kitchen. She hurried to the truck and I waved them off.










I went back to my bed and began to read again - I knew I wasn't going back to sleep. The phone would never wake up my dad so I need to stay awake in case they needed us.


About an hour later, my phone rang. Startled and anxious, I grabbed for it.


"Hello?"


"Lindsey, are you awake?" My mom's excited voice came through the phone.


"I answered the phone, didn't I?" The smartass in me couldn't resist.


"He's coming... she's progressed really quickly, they think he'll be here any minute. You and your Dad should probably come if you want to be here. I gotta get back in there but ya'll come on," Click. My mom hung up and I was left with the task of convincing my father to get up and go to the hospital in the middle of the night.

"Dad..." I whispered as I knocked on the guest room door. "Dad, wake up... Mom just called and Leah's about to have the baby. Do you want to go? We need to go..."

"HUH?"



"Dad, wake up, Leah's having a baby, we've got to go. Do you want to go?"


"Yeah, yeah, we should go. I'm up."


I turned around and quickly put back on my clothes from the day before. I combed my hair and went out into the living room. My bleary eyed dad showed up a minute later.

Then we were in the car and on our way, I was so excited. No way was I missing this!



3 hours later, shifting in an extremely uncomfortable waiting room chair, I was wishing for my bed, any bed, or just a pillow.



"Seriously, she called us because it was happening 'right then' and now it's 3 hours later... Can we go home and come back when it actually happens? Or afterwards? I'm dying here..."


My dad looked at me with tired eyes, raised his eyebrows and went back to watching the crazy movie on cable for the second time that night. I shifted again and got up to stretch. If I ever win the lottery, the 2nd thing* I'm going to do is donate decent chairs for the maternity ward at the Gulfport hospital.


"He's here, he's got a head full of hair and he looks just like Will!!!" My mom's voice comes down the hallway. She comes into the waiting room, crying and smiling. "Come see, he's here!!!"




We follow her back to the Labor and Delivery area, it's a little after 4AM and we meet William Gregory Ferguson for the first time. A bright, blue eyed baby with a head full of blonde hair, he snuggled in his swaddling blankets. We watched as the nurses bathed and clothed him and tested him and we ooed over his every breath and movement.





Watching William grow and change this year has been so exciting and overwhelming - I never knew I could instantly love as I have with him. He's all boy - moves at full speed and crashes through anything that stands in his way. With his four front teeth and 3 more on the way, he's toddling full time now - well, unless he's tired and then he'll crawl because it's easier. He's learned where his nose and his toes are, he'll clap when he's done something 'good' (like finishing his meal), he stomps his feet and turns around when you sing the song, and he giggles at everything. I chase after him in slow motion, saying "I'm going to get you" and he runs away, laughing, and then stopping when he's ready to be 'caught' and tossed in the air. It's an amazing process to watch and it happens everyday.







Happy Birthday William!!!












*First things first: NYC Shopping Spree!