My bad... My bad

"There's a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure the truth." - Maya Angelou.

Often, I talk my dog, Sandy for a walk around the neighborhood at twilight. It's cooler and after we've eaten and it's a great way for me to unwind before going to bed. Rarely, do we run into anyone else. And certainly no other animals so while she has a lease clipped to her collar, I'm usually not holding it. She behaves.... for the most part.

I realize this is wrong and irresponsible.

Tonight, we were coming down the last stretch and she took off after something and got ahead of me. The street lights are not bright and I couldn't see into the shadows. But I heard dogs barking so I started to walk faster. Then I heard a man yelling and I could see Sandy approaching an older gentleman with two large white dogs (not certain of the breed) at full force. I'm not certain who growled first but at that point I started running and yelling for my dog which illicted no response. The man was able to make Sandy back down and she came to me when I was closer. He was fussing at his dogs when I got there and after I secured Sandy, I turned to apologize. My dog was off leash and I was at fault and I wanted to make sure all was okay.

He glared at me and then sniffed and then walked past me.

It was like a scene from the movies. I was sincerely apologizing and he didn't even stop to accept it. I wasn't certain what to do but I finished my apology, getting louder as he walked away and then continued on my walk, Sandy's lease tight in hand.

I don't know what this means for our future walks...
Do I need to change the way I walk Sandy? I've lived here since March and I haven't run into anyone at this time of night so there haven't been any problems.

Sandy is aggressive to other large dogs... if they are female... sometimes. They have her file marked at the vet's as an "aggressive dog" yet the workers love her. I've had her play well with others and I've had it go horribly wrong. She's a sweet and lovable dog who I trust completely with my innocent nephew but I have to be really careful around other dogs. But it's not predictable. And everything I've done as far as training her goes has had no affect upon her or her reactive behavior.

I know I shouldn't let her walk free if I can't rely upon her to obey me. I know that I'm responsible for anything my dog does to harm another person and/or their property. And I wouldn't shirk from that but I also don't want anything to happen.

I guess it's back to obediance training for us again. Oh joy.

Summer Break

"Deep Summer is when laziness finds respectability." - Sam Keen

Life has been busy - the other day I had to call my cell phone from my desk phone so I could find it under all the papers piled up on my desk but my lack of posting has been pure laziness. I can admit. And I'll also say that it's not likely to change while BBQs, pool parties, outdoor movies, evening concerts, and trips to the lake are taking up my evenings, weekends and thoughts.

But it's summertime... when the sun is shining, the air is heavy and laying around, doing nothing is perfectly acceptable.

So I hope to increase my posting but I'm not making any promises, to myself or anyone else. Sometimes, to write about life, you have to know it and I'm always going to choose an experience over work, any day.

Inspiration

"To find what you seek in the road of life, the best proverb of all is that which says: "Leave no stone unturned"." - Edward Bulwer Lytton

For the past couple of years, I've been looking for something. If you asked me what, at different times I'd give you different answers. Purpose. Meaning. Challenge. Motivation. Interest. Excitement.

And I've been looking for something to come along and motivate me. As a teenager, I was always motivated by the possibilities. As an adult, I've come to have more realistic expectations of life and I've lost some of my motivation. Which sucks. And I don't feel good about it.

Fortunately, I have people in my life who care about me and who are willing to listen to me whine (as I call it) and discuss what I can do for myself. Over dinner the other night, my dad said to me and it home, "Don't wait for happiness, don't expect for your life to get better than it is now and if you aren't happy with now, change it. You aren't promised tomorrow and you should enjoy today".

My dad's not one for advice or great speeches so his words hit home. And I'm striving to make it work for me, happiness today. Everyday. In the ordinary and the unique. So I'm making that choice. To challenge myself and look inside for purpose, meaning and fulfillment.

Ina Mar Art Credit

Technical Difficulities

"Technology has made it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology" - John Tudor

I left my computer at work on Friday afternoon. My afternoon snowballed and it was 7pm before I was ready to start home and I just couldn't make myself to come back and get it. "I'll get it tomorrow" I told myself.

Then Saturday rolls around and I avoid the trip to my office. "Later," I said.

Sunday and I'm up to my elbows in primer as I attacked my kitchen cabinets. I forgot about Small Town Snapshot Sunday and my promise to myself to participate EVERY Sunday. "I'll get it tomorrow before I hit the road," since I got to another location over an hour away on Mondays. Then it was, "I'll pick it up tonight on my way back," but I didn't even turn this direction last night. I gunned it straight for home.

So I needed a break. I use my computer (as we all do) way too much for every aspect of my life. Coincidentally my phone's email application also stopped working this weekend. Whether fate or someone's greater plan... it was nice to have a forced break away from technology and communication.

Welcome

There are many reasons I bought my home... location, age, style, and hardwood floors. But the very first thing I feel in love with was the dramatic and stylish doorknocker original to the house. I was afraid to ask if it would stay and become mine because I didn't want the previous owner to know how much I coveted the knocker.

And here he is... I've promised pictures and now I am delivering:

I think he needs a name... Lionel immediately comes to mind but that's a little too obvious. Too expected. So I need to think on this for a while, try some out. It would be great to say hello every night when I walk in, like a butler. Maybe James? Or Oscar?

Oooooooooooh. I like Oscar... that might work. I'll test it out and see if it works. But I'm still open to suggestions so feel free to leave a name in the comments.

Other parts of my weekend include:

Following this guys around my yard, trying to figure out the best settings to get the best pictures... this one isn't too bad considering my attention span. I was looking for things to take pictures of, to practice and see how the settings changed the outcome but it was so hot and I was very unmotivated this weekend... I went out a lot (Thursday, Friday, Saturday AND Sunday nights - it's a lot for me) and I lazed around during the days. Therefor, not much progress on the house but I made some design and material decisions so that's actually progress in my book.

And then a wonderful dinner party at a friends' home. Perfect weather, great wine & food, and fabulous company... it was a great way to wind down the weekend. The menu included vidalia onion pie which is my favorite - if you aren't from the south or haven't visited the south and tried this deliciousness, I beg you to treat yourself some day. I'll see if I can dig up the recipe and give you some step by steps on creating the magic in your mouth. This is one of the tables after the party... the votive candles were shaped and painted like bulbs, so perfect for the hostess. I loved every moment and was honored to be included.

Welcome to the 21st Century

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity" - Albert Einstein

Out of the blue a friend of mine texted me. And you're thinking, why is that such a big deal? People text all the time. They've created a new way of talking because of IM and texting. It's taken over the world, they need to create laws to be texting while driving, etc.

Well, my friends this was unusual because this friend SWORE she would never text (And this is one of those stubborn people who generally don't go back on their stances). I'm not certain what provoked this response... probably the original cost of texting. Notice I said, "original" since unlimited texting plans have been around for a while. (sidenote: I personally love the efficiency of texting - as a person who's on the phone ALOT for business during the day, being able to text someone details instead of having to call is GREAT, eliminate some small talk.)

It took me a couple of days to ask when she started texting but when I did, her answer was (verbatim here, folks): "The same day B (her Hubby) signed up for facebook, we called it welcome to the 21st Century Day."

This comes to me on the same day that a friend of mine told me (in person) to check my facebook page for our plans for the following evening... I laughed and asked her if it was too much effort to talk to me in person since I was standing right in front of her.

And also on the day when a business colleague started a meeting by asking who around the table twitters? (Want to follow me?) I was the only one in a group of 6. I must add that I was the only one under the age of 45 as well. He wanted to tell us all about message streaming for healthcare... an idea that I've yet to buy into. Maybe in a couple of years...

This conversation segued into a conversation about how cell phones are starting to be used for traffic predictions and how soon when you walk into stores, they will know who you are and what you purchased the last time you were there. A little "1984" scary idea to me if you must know.

It was just interesting. How you can't avoid it, as my friends attempted, you have to join and give over your information to the Big Brother of Technology.

Wouldn't You Know It?

What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
- Crowfoot


The best place to see the sunset is off the back loading dock of our new store... the field behind it has been cleared out for the new hospital and our dock provides the perfect view looking west. I've caught it several times and here's one of the best ones. I love it when I walk out at night and this is the view I get before I head home... it makes me smile.

The Awful Waffle*

I had a textbook experience last night - a friend of mine and I went to have "Breakfast for Dinner" at the local Waffle House.



We were greeted by a wall-eyed waitress who had to have been smoking something good. She invited us to take a seat anywhere. We were the only customers at the moment so we had our pick of seating. Off to a nice start.

Then I notice the toddler playing in on of the other booths: a different waitress was hovering nearby so I assumed it was a mother and child with childcare issues.

We were greeted again by our section waitress, this one looked to be under the age of 30 but had no teeth. Instantly making her age a good 20 years. She was friendly enough and took our order with no problems. While we waited for our food, the next shift started coming in the restaurant.

First, a rather unkept man came in, shortly followed by a visably pregnant girl in sweatpants and no shoes. She wandered up to the counter and propped up against a stool. I really didn't pay her any attention until one of the waitresses asked her if they could help her. Her answer?

"I'm waiting on my baby's daddy. He went back there for his check." And she pointed to the back area of the Waffle. She laughed and then said, "He's my fiance**."

Then we were served our food. We had both ordered a side of grits***. They came swimming in a bowl of butter. My friend is a bit a of a health nut (kind of hard to do at WH) but neither of us could handle these grits. After we had given them back to the waitress, we were like, "DOH! We need a picture!" But we weren't going to risk asking for them back so that we could prove to others how much butter was in the bowl. More butter than grits. Let's just leave it at that.

The high waitress came by and said some incoherent stuff about grape jelly.

After eating our food**** sans grits, we were ready to pay. I was treating my friend since she had been helping me paint and all I had was my check card. The girl at the check out picks up the phone, listens and runs my card. It doesn't work. She does it again. Then she picks the phone back up and tries my card again. Then again. Then again. Then she yells in the direction of the back, "Get off the phone!"

I give her my card again to try it again and the phone rings. She answers and speaks to the person on the other end - her answers get shorter and shorter while her face gets redder and redder. Then she slams the phone down. And yells out, "You can get the phone, people playing damn prank calls on Waffle House!"

She starts trying to get the card machine to work again and as she's yanking my card through with a force unbelivable for her size, she's mumbling about the damn machine and piece of shit she works for and cheap ass SOBs. The card machine gods finally show us mercy and we're out of there.

It may have just been my friend and I but we couldn't stop laughing. It was the stereotypical experience I've ever had and it just seemed to keep coming.

Oh, I love my life.


*No Harm meant, I love Waffle House
**If you've never had the distinct pleasure of hearing a redneck say, "fiance" then you are missing out. I'll try to give you a good idea, it goes something like this: "Fe-Iannc-SAY" where they add an extra sylable on the middle sound. It's a treat.
***If you don't like grits or if you haven't tried them, then you should. They are yummy. Maybe just not at a WH.
****which was very good

Commitment Issues

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life." - Anne Morris

I don't know who Anne Morris is or how her theory on commitment made it onto my Starbucks cup on Saturday morning but her thoughts hit home with me. As I've talked about before, I am buying my first home and the thought scared me - to the point that I didn't tell ANYONE besides my family for the first 6 weeks. I usually talk about everything so that was a big change for me.

I have a hard time choosing one path in life, there's a lot that appeals to me and I don't think that will ever change. But I can't allow my ADD to freeze me and keep me from making decisions which is the way I've handled some things in the past. I've got to keep moving forward and realize that very little is permanent (just death and taxes, right?). All can be changed.

So basically Ms. Morris's words hit home with me because I need to get out of my head and start living because don't you know, the secret of life is to LIVE.

A Home of My Own*

I've done it. I've bought a house, after talking about it for FIVE years. I did it.

I'm an extrovert - yes, I can talk to people easily - BUT that's not what that means, being an extrovert means I process my thoughts outloud, usually to others. Therefor, when I'm considering something, I have to talk about it (ALOT) before I'm able to do it. Rarely are people surprised by my actions. Mainly because I've been talking about it too much.

But enough about me. Here's my house. I close on the 12th so it's not officially mine yet but we're pretty darn close. So I'm getting really excited. The past couple of weeks, I've been really nervous but now, I'm excited and picking out paint colors.

It's a great old house with hardwood floors, crown moldings, and chair rails. It also has a 1970's laminate floor kitchen, an unfinished attic, and a back door that won't latch without a lock. And I love it.

This isn't all my pictures and I obviously have some work to do but I'm excited and I'm sure my posts will start to have a DIY home improvement vibe to them. But I promise, no Toolman Taylors around here.

*or to steal from a friend, "The Most Adult Thing I've Ever Done"

Coming out of the Dark*

I'm back. I'm living again and I'm feeling better about life. I've been laughing at myself for the past couple of days for being so hum-drum. But that's the way it goes sometimes. I can't help it. And I had a lot happening there for a while.

Plus my cat died, granted she was my adoptive cat but I miss her. She used to curl up in my lap while I watched t.v. at night and I miss having her there. I need to upload the pictures I have on my camera so you all can see how pretty she was.

But I've had a good week at work, I've got one major project 99% done (YES!!), and I've got a new one that I'm VERY excited about. Plus I had a discussion with my dad that made me feel much better about our future and our direction.

Life goes on and up and down but I'm looking forward instead of downwards right now. Which is good.

Thanks for being patient and now I'm back to tell you all about my crazy misadventures and observations of life.


*Name that song!!
Last reference was to "Remember the Titans" which rates a #1 on Lindsey's cry-o-meter. Meaning it makes me cry every time which means it touches me and makes me feel good.

"Sometimes, Life's Just Hard"*

Last week sucked. It just sucked.

I've got alot on my plate, work wise, and I'm treading water as best I can. It's a constant struggle for me - juggling my father's expectations (did I mention I work for my family's business?), my own expectations, my job requirements and all the other stuff I'm expected to do to help our business work and grow. I love what I do and I'm happy and I'm challenged and I'm motivated but time management is a HUGE challenge for me.

So when my personal life gets in the way like it did last week... well, I just want to throw up my hands and say F&(K IT!!!

Here's the short version of what happened:
1. The DLS and I broke up (AGAIN)
2. Huge fight with my sister
3. Getting Financing for house seems to be an insurmountable and ridiculously involved problem
4. Merrie, my sister's kittycat, living with me, died

Honestly, who wants the long version of all these problems? I certainly don't want to relive last week. Already, I feel like I'm living in a country/western song. (And I like country music!).

I was so overwhelmed and so stretched trying to deal with all of this - in a meeting last Friday afternoon, a friend who I'm trying to do a project with, told me that I sounded stressed. I was and I am. That's why I haven't been around very much - this is just another obligation and I don't want this to be another item on my "to do" list. I like my blog, I like getting my thoughts organized and out of my head, and I don't want to consider it an obligation. I'll get it back under control but until then, ya'll just bear with me.

Reminds me of when Andy is told, "Tell me when your personal life is shot to hell, then you deserve a promotion" in The Devil Wears Prada. Well, I'm there, so where is my raise?

*Name that Movie!

Burned!

I have a burned tongue and I'm ready to chop it off.

I'm really annoyed that I have it in the first place and I'm beginning to understand the McDonald's coffee lady's lawsuit for the first time.

Let me explain...

I had a big gap of time yesterday between appointments and I had brought along my laptop to get some work done since I was in a neighboring town. I pulled into Panera to enjoy their wireless and I order a chai latte. I walked away from the bar while they were fixing my drink to find a table near a plug and to my liking. I walked all over the Panera and around to the back side twice before finding a table that I liked near a plug.

Then I went back to the counter. The girl says, "Here's your latte. It's been ready but I didn't know your name." I'm assuming she thought I'd be angry but I knew they had to fix it and it'd still be too hot for me to drink (I'm not a big fan of warm drinks) so I wasn't worried about the time lapse. I thanked her and went back to my seat.

Once there, I took the top off the cup to let it cool and proceeded to boot up my computer. I opened my email and began to work. I want to say it was longer but for fairness, I'll say 5 minutes had gone by before picking up the cup. It was still really warm so I blew on it a couple of times and put it back down. Probably a minute later, I pick it up and take a small sip.

I NEARLY SCREAMED OUTLOUD!!!

It was SO HOT. It scalded my throat as I swallowed. My tongue feels like sandpaper where it first landed and I have a sore throat - considering the time of year that's not great proof but I had no 'symptons' until my sip of chai and I don't have the normal cold with a sore throat. I almost went to the counter to complain but I couldn't determine what that would do to solve the problem. So I suffered in silence. I threw my latte away - somehow I had lost my taste for them - finished my work and left. I haven't enjoyed a meal or a drink since. I know it'll be healed soon but IT HURTS!!!

221 Boulevard

This is my house. I don't own it. I wish I did.... it's exactly what I want/need. But for now, I am a happy renter who doesn't want to move EVER AGAIN... Plus, now that I've been there a couple of months, I can finally sleep without the sounds of the house scaring me. (I have a vivid imagination... it goes into over drive when I'm alone and it's dark and the house creaks). The front porch makes me love the house alone, it's at least 10 feet deep - I didn't get a good picture that shows off the size of it but as my friend Alyssa said, this is a great party porch. It wraps around the side of the house into a screened porch which I can reach from my bedroom. When it was a little warmer, I'd eat breakfast out there. Great way to start your day. But it's been a little cold around here lately so no dining alfresco for me.

This is the view from my front door - does it do the porch justice? The yellow house across the street is from the same era so it also has 14 foot ceilings and a wrap around porch and rocking chairs - actually most of the houses on my street have these features. Did I mention I love the street I live on? It's one of the oldest streets in town - to give you an idea, my house was built in 1911 and it's one of the "young" ones. The houses were originally owned by the mill for their administrators. Mine has crown molding, coal fireplaces (in every room!), and heart of pine flooring. I love it!

My sisters were actually home when I moved over Labor Day (thanks to a hurricane) so they helped. Lauren, the artsy one, hung my family pictures in the hallway. Basically I gave them to her and said put these on this wall. And this is what I got. I wish I could take credit for it because everyone that comes into my house LOVES it. I do too. It's got pictures from the time I was around 3 years old until recently of my family. Family vacations, weddings, random pictures in the backyard, Mother's Day, etc. My favorites. I've actually got 2 empty frames that I need to find pictures for. A work in progress my friends.

**The picture on the table is the one that my ghost moves around alot... it travels up and down and turns around. I'm not crazy, I have a ghost and I bet if the ghosthunters came to my house, they would confirm this fact.**

And this is Sandy again, in her favorite spot on the front porch. This is where she is every night when I come home, unless I'm late - then she's waiting by the mailbox looking at her watch. But most days, especially when it wasn't dark at 5pm, she'd be chilling on the front porch, watching the street. She can see everything from that perch and she keeps the squirrels in line from there. She's such a funny puppy.

I was taking her picture through the screen door (which I love to let slam - I can HEAR my dad saying, "don't slam the door!"). But those weren't turning out so well because my camera was focusing on the screen instead of the dog so she turned when I opened the door. Don't you just love the "what are you doing now?" expression? She's constantly watching me with an expression of exasperation. Especially when I move from one end of the house to another, she'll get settled in one spot to watch over me and I'll take off to the other end and she'll follow, only to settle again by the time I take off again. She never complains, just gets up and follows me back again. She's a good dog.

Venting...

Make your site secure without having to ask me ridiculous questions every time I sign on...

I don't remember which Elementary School I put down when I signed up with your site 4 years ago (I went to 3 different ones).

And everybody in town knows what color my first car was, in fact everyone I went to college with knows that one.

And the name of my first dog and what my mother's maiden name was, well that one's not a big secret either.

So here's the deal, you make your site secure all the time and quit asking me assinine questions and I'll continue to be your customer. Otherwise, all bets are off.

I'm sorry

Oh, so sorry...

Name that tune!

I'm sorry I've been MIA - work has been a major factor in my abscence and I shall explain more later. I have a meeting that I need to leave to head to right now but I did want to say that I know I've been gone and I'll be back soon.

I want...

I found this today from some old work files... not certain if it's mine or a take off of someone else's work - it rings true to who I am so I'm claiming it.

I want memories and dreams.
Inside jokes.
The thrill of a good debate.
Metaphors with bad intentions.
Long walks and long conversations.
Movies and poetry.
A day at the races.
Sunsets.
Spontenaity.
Parks and beaches.
Classic rock at 80 mph.
Sinatra and Johnny Cash.
No Doubt and Tim McGraw.
Museums on Saturday afternoons.
Bars and casinos.
A laugh and a smile.
A kiss and a gaze.
Naps.
Forgiveness.
A shrug and a whistle.
A shot of innocence with a dash of cynicism.
Misunderstood, but only at night.
A pair of aces in the hole.
Someone who believes.
Morals.
Hand holding.
Wandering and sitting.
Exploring.
Little presents and big surprises.
A jukebox embrace.

Inspiration

I love this blog, Sweet Juniper!, the writing is so well done and the pictures are poignant without being cliche. Most of the posts are by a stay at home dad who takes his two children around the inner city of Detroit. His pictures of the decay and destruction are overwhelming and discouraging especially in contrast to his photogenic and innocent children.

Today's post (Oct. 21st, 2008), "Open Campus" is of an abandoned elementary school, a Norman Rockwell-esque building left to the neighborhood just over a year ago. The amount of destruction and disregard for the history and sustainability of the building is sickening. The accompanying post is just as heart-wrenching.

My town has an elementary school which stands empty and is the topic of much discussion... what will happen to the building? The rock gym? The WWII memorial library? The playground? It's a neighborhood school which I attended and I hope to see it be used for a greater purpose. The school board seems unwilling to recognize the importance of the building and it's future, much like the school board in Detroit.

I recognize there are greater problems facing our nation but aren't those problems a product of choices? Choices which placed importance on segregation and the newest and latest rather than preserving, repairing and restoring what came before? How do we shift the way of thinking so that it's not a always a case of bulldozing and destruction? If these photos don't frighten you about the direction of our country, I'm not sure what will...

Fridays...

Is it just me, or does this happen to everyone else as well?

On Fridays, I have one of two types of days:

I either work really hard to get it all done by the end of the day so I can have a stress free weekend...

OR

I just kind of hang out, thinking I'll start again on Monday, this week is shot so why bother...

Is it just me? Or do you find yourselves feeling this way too?

Wet Noses, Warm Hearts*

I've been promising pictures of my new house and as soon as I take them, I'll put them up and out there for all of you to see. In anticipation of doing that, I was cleaning off my card from my camera and I found these. I had tried to make Sandy pose for me in the back yard of my parents' house. I got a couple of good ones.

I love this dog... She drives me nuts sometimes but all she wants is to love and be loved. She's a smart puppy (not that I would put up with anything else!) and she'll do the funniest things. My sister's cat also made the move with us and it's the first time they've lived together in the same space. It's a constant competition - who gets fed first, who gets to sit beside me (I have 2 sides people!), who I talk to more, who I brush first, etc. Now I see what moms with the second baby go through. Sandy is just a little possessive of me. Makes me feel loved and I know I'll never be alone as long as I have her.

And who wouldn't want a that pink nose, cold and wet, pushing into their hand everytime it can, all to get scratched behind her ears.

*I'm well aware this is a title of a book about dogs - I don't know who the author is and I'm too lazy feeling right now to look it up. Shame on me, I know.